Why Mollycoddling and Cheerleading Clients Isn't Trauma-Informed: Effective Coaching Strategies
Why mollycoddling and cheerleading our clients is not trauma-informed and what we can do instead
There are many erroneous beliefs and assumptions about what it means to be trauma-informed vs what it actually is.
In this article I am discussing mollycoddling and cheerleading our clients and why, although beautifully-intentioned, this is not a trauma-informed approach nor a necessity!
As coaches, it can be easy to fall into the trap of mollycoddling or cheerleading our clients. We may think that this is the best way to support them, but in reality, it can actually hinder their healing journey.
Molly coddling + cheerleading:
Mollycoddling, also known as excessive care-taking, can reinforce a client's sense of disempowerment and dependency on their coach.
This can prevent them from developing the skills and tools they need to manage their emotions and navigate their healing journey on their own.
Cheerleading, on the other hand, is an approach where the coach is overly positive and encouraging, ignoring the negative emotions and experiences that the client may be going through. While this may seem like a supportive approach, it can actually reinforce a client's sense of disconnection from their own emotions and experiences.
Trauma-informed coaching is not about mollycoddling or cheerleading our clients.
Rather, it is about creating a safe enough and supportive environment for them to explore, grow and evolve. It's about empowering clients to take control of their own journey, while also acknowledging and validating the range of emotions and experiences that they may be going through.
So, what can we do instead of mollycoddling or cheerleading our clients?
First and foremost, it's important for coaches to honour themselves and their own needs and nervous systems. This means setting boundaries and taking care of ourselves, so that we can show up fully present and attuned to our clients.
Secondly, we can practice attunement with our clients. Attunement is about being fully present and engaged with our clients; it's about our capacity to feel ourselves and be in connection with our own inner experience moment-to-moment at the same time as being able to feel and connect to our clients and validate their feelings and emotions. This allows clients to feel heard and understood, while also supporting their own inner resourcefulness and resilience as they are able to 'co-regulate' with us; meaning, in attunement, others are able to 'borrow' the regulation of our own nervous system to support the regulation of their own. This literally, helps others to process and move through stress and challenges in a new way.
Lastly, we can encourage clients to develop their own self-awareness and self-regulation skills. This involves helping them to identify and express their emotions, while also providing them with the tools and skills they need to manage their emotions in a healthy way. By empowering clients to take control of their own healing journey, we can help them to develop a sense of agency and empowerment that is essential for their long-term healing.
In conclusion, mollycoddling and cheerleading our clients is not a trauma-informed approach to coaching. Instead, we can honour ourselves and our own needs, practice attunement with our clients, and encourage them to develop their own self-awareness and self-regulation skills. By taking a collaborative and empowering approach, we can help our clients to develop the tools and skills they need to navigate their healing journey and achieve lasting healing and growth.
So, why is mollycoddling or cheerleading not a trauma-informed approach, and what can we do instead?
Empowerment and agency
Trauma-informed coaching is about empowering our clients to take control of their own healing journey. This means providing them with the tools and skills they need to manage their emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. When we mollycoddle or cheerlead our clients, we reinforce a sense of dependency and disempowerment, preventing them from developing the skills they need to navigate their healing journey on their own.
Validation and attunement
Validation and attunement are essential components of a trauma-informed coaching approach. It involves acknowledging and validating a client's emotions and experiences, while also being fully present and engaged with them. This approach allows clients to feel heard and understood, providing them with a safe and supportive environment to explore, grow and evolve.
Self-awareness and self-regulation
Developing self-awareness and self-regulation skills is essential for a client's long-term healing and growth. It involves helping them to identify and express their emotions, while also providing them with the tools and skills they need to manage their emotions in a healthy way. This approach empowers clients to take control of their own healing journey, developing a sense of agency and empowerment that is essential for long-term healing.
It's also important to remember that trauma-informed coaching is not just about supporting our clients, but also honouring ourselves and our own needs and nervous systems.
This means setting boundaries and taking care of ourselves, so that we can show up fully present and attuned to our clients.
Let's look at some examples of mollycoddling and cheerleading clients:
A coach notices that one of their clients has a tendency to procrastinate and struggle with taking action. Instead of exploring the root cause of this behavior, the coach consistently reassures the client that they are doing great and encourages them to take their time. The coach is afraid of pushing the client too hard and potentially triggering their trauma, so they avoid any form of challenge or confrontation.
A therapist is working with a client who struggles with anxiety and panic attacks. The client shares that they are experiencing a lot of stress at work and feel overwhelmed. The therapist consistently offers the client coping strategies and reassures them that everything will be okay. The therapist avoids exploring the underlying causes of the client's anxiety and avoids any conversation that could potentially trigger the client's emotions.
In both of these examples, the coach/therapist is mollycoddling their clients by avoiding any form of challenge or confrontation. While it may seem like the coach/therapist is being supportive, they are actually avoiding the root causes of their clients' issues and potentially prolonging their healing process. By avoiding the potential of any kind of triggering they are toeing around the client and not ultimately supporting the development of resilience and a capacity to encounter challenge and stay resourced.
An example of cheerleading a client:
A coach is working with a client who is struggling with a lack of confidence in their career. The client shares that they want to start their own business, but feel unsure about their abilities. The coach consistently tells the client that they are amazing and talented and encourages them to pursue their dreams, without exploring the underlying fears and self-doubt that the client may be experiencing.
In this example, the coach is cheerleading their client by offering constant praise and encouragement without exploring the deeper issues that may be holding the client back. While it may feel good in the moment to receive praise and encouragement, it's not addressing the underlying issues that are preventing the client from moving forward. A more trauma-informed approach would involve exploring the client's underlying fears and self-doubt and helping them to develop the skills and strategies to overcome these obstacles.
Examples like this can happen in micro-ways in the course of a coach:client relationship. It can be easy for mollycoddling and cheerleading clients to become a norm - and I think a lot in the industry this happens.
But...what about celebrating our clients? Isn't this cheerleading?
In my practice I often invite my clients go gold-mining and see what they can celebrate in their life/business over the last week. This can be something subtle and seemingly ordinary, or it might be a bigger celebration; I invite it all!
The reason I do this are numerous:
1) It is part of teaching my clients to orient to what is going well. We are so used to paying attention to all the things that are challenging us that we focus overly on this that we aren't any longer able to see and acknowledge the things that are going well.
2) It is resourcing! The habit of asking ourselves 'what can I celebrate? What's going well right now?' brings more connection and self-organisation into our systems.
3) It is relationally healing! Many people did not receive the celebration they needed in their early lives. Others may have failed to recognise the important things the successes, the little but ever so big things that needed to be shared to land fully in their bodies. So I also invite this question so that I can support my clients in a sense of connection and being seen in their accomplishments, however small. I hold them in this and celebrate with them and it can be a very corrective experience.
But this as a practice is not the same as a culture in relationship of bypassing the difficulties and continually re-diverting to encouragement/cheerleading.
Plus, even in this practice of celebration, I also ask the question:
'what are you struggling with right now and how are you relating to that?'.
So both the celebration and the challenges are witnessed and shared...and, crucially, the direct invitation to be curious about the part we are playing in our struggles by exploring how we are relating to what it is that we are experiencing (which is the real remedy!).
In conclusion, contrary to popular belief, mollycoddling and cheerleading our clients is not a trauma-informed approach to coaching.
Instead, we must empower our clients to develop their own sense of agency on their journey, while also validating their experiences and providing them with the tools and skills they need to manage their emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. By taking a collaborative and empowering approach, we can help our clients to achieve sustainable healing and growth and greater resilience.
P.S Are you looking for a trauma-informed coaching training to take your coaching to the next level?
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